When it comes to laziness, Americans always go the extra mile. Go USA!

Any band that has the Cookie Monster as a lead singer has my undying devotion to brainlessly buy all of their CDs.

Some Guys like women in uniform… I like ‘em when they wear police cars on their feet.

Finally, all the 12 year old girls can practice docking with their fantasy vampires in private!

Contrary to popular belief, not everything on TV is true. And in that vein, not every product on TV makes your life better.

Let’s face it: sex sells. Of course, some sex sells better than others…

The best shoes I have ever seen that weren’t Air Jordans were not from this decade, but were seen in Back to the Future II in 1989. According the movie though, Marty McFly’s sneakers won’t be released until 2015.

Check to see if you’re preggo without even putting down the Wii-mote!

I wonder if we can pour out some alcohol in respect for these dead homies?

Girls like to play Barbies and no that He-Man is gone, guys like to play with their balls. Krotchy, the stuffed animal version of a nutsack has swung onto the scene to fill the void He-Man left in the 80’s. Krotchy is perfect for scratching and teabagging.

If you have any of these items, this is why you’re still alone.

Why women put so much stock in a mass marketed holiday, I will never know.

This is perhaps the only way video games could be made better.

You know what they say…imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

You’re not the only one who gets off to video games.

With this cheat sheet, padlocks should no longer pose a problem to you.

The only thing more impressive than Pee-wee’s new iPad is his abstinence ring.

The man who has everything can now park his car to be hidden from the world.

Most people just let the remote fly into the TV, not their best friend.

A word of advice for live newscasters…check the vicinity for dick towels!