The American Medical Association has issued this test that can help determine if you have been “rubbin’ your willie” or “playing DJ” too much this holiday season.

This lady is all over the board in her speech. She throws around big words about sex like “AIDS” to scare the kids but then alludes to some self-touching (sliding down the rail maybe?). The best part is this woman claims to be a virgin and then qualifies it with a “technically”. I can’t help but to think she keeps pets and peanut butter around the house.