Once you grow up, you don’t have any toys to play with… until now.

If anyone actually bought these for their children, I would call child DCFS and report them. Seriously.

Take a My Little Pony unicorn from the 80’s, cross it with a dildo, add midgets and jingle and voila!

We are in the holiday spirit today- here is a list of the most popular X-mas toys of the past 50 years. It’s amazing that in the 90’s kids went from Barney the Dinosaur to Mortal Kombat and then to Power Rangers, and parents willingly went along with their kids’ wishes.

If you have been having unnatural thoughts about your friends and new sensations that you can’t explain, you can point to these toys that you had as a kid as the culprit.

Apparently there is enough of a market in Japan for the roadkill, microwaved baby, and dismembered body toys to mass produce them.

Your toy stinks if the standout feature is that it has an uncircumcised penis that squirts out fake pee. This commercial is begging for an appearance from Pedobear.

“Hey everybody! Oh look it’s black barbie. Why are you all alone? Oh they discontinued my boyfriend. Mom says I’m the one who’s hair it’s okay to cut.” – Stewie

it makes sense that the occasional Cobra or Joe would learn to work with a dog or a falcon, but once they started adding various aquatic life and other random animals, things got pretty god-ri-damned-diculous.